A professional football team is torn between two potential top draft picks: charismatic multiethnic finesse machine Lave Dash and salt-of-the-earth muscle monster Mervin Gufflinson the First. Making the crazy decision to draft them both causes a media meltdown that changes the game. And all sports. And the whole world. And the entire space-time continuum. Featuring an all-female cast and an all-star collection of fake moustaches and wigs, this world premiere is an uproarious comedy about America’s obsession with football, the joys of masculinity, and the consequences of having our idols do exactly what we want them to do.

WHY SEE THIS SHOW:  Tony Nominee (for HELL’S KITCHEN, the Alicia Keys musical), Pulitzer Prize Finalist, and writer of SHOOTS starring Jason D. Johnson for our Long Story Short program during COVID, Kristoffer Diaz turns his focus on a unique ability of his: getting to the heart of why people love a certain sport and the absurdity of spectacle. It’s a celebration of football and of the theater of football (a very theatrical sport). It’s a play in which people play dozens of characters all with incredibly dumb names. It satirizes the media’s insatiable desire to make every story the biggest, most incredible, world-changing story by giving it world-changing possibilities.

Kris Diaz is VERY funny with character-based dialogue and even funnier with the bigger picture: an ability to pierce through the hyper masculine sports entertainment world with alarmingly sharp wit. Do you love football? This is for you to laugh with. Do you hate football? This is for you to laugh at. It’s big, it’s silly, it will be like watching a marathon with six performers playing dozens of characters in increasingly absurd situations wearing increasingly absurd mustaches or hats or costumes or all three.

WHO SHOULD SEE THIS SHOW?  If you enjoyed PRIDE & PREJUDICE, THE 39 STEPS, IMPORTANT HATS OF THE 20TH CENTURY, or  “Key & Peele” (specifically the “East/West Bowl” sketch).

Sponsored By //

Ruth & John Mansure

Mansure & Co

Rick and Malinda Morris

ON SALE APRIL 3rd!

Please review our policies & guidelines before purchasing your tickets.

Football Cast //

Casting in Summer 2025

All female cast will be announced shortly.

Football Creative //

Will Lowry

Scenic

Jessica Johnson

Costumes

Kevin Frazier

Lights

Alexander Vogleschmidtlen

Props

Reed Paul Smith II

Sound

Announcing Fall 2025

Stage Manager

Featured Lobby Artist //

ANNOUNCING IN JANUARY